Friday, 26 October 2012

Melbourne is the town we deserve, but not the town we need right now.

If I could move home to Melbourne I would.

James and I at the Roof Top bar in Melbourne circa 2009.

In a second, in a heart beat. We'd be there; Oliver surrounded by his grandparents, our oldest and dearest friends would live just around the corner, the coffee would meet our standards- everything would be perfect.
But we can't, and I know it wouldn't be perfect. But damn I miss my home town.

I know the reality is after we'd move home we'd be doing all these things we dream of, for a while. But then it would become normal. We'd settle in, take the proximity for granted and forget what it's like to long for home.

One of my best friends and I always lived an hour plus apart. There were years that we only saw each other once or twice. Now we see each other at least four times a year, and we don't take a second for granted. Our quality of time together is much more important.
I call my parents every two to three days. I actually talk to them more now than I did when I lived there, we interact on a more personal level. I know if I went back we would chit chat and fall into old habits. I know that I could see them all the time, so I probably just wouldn't. I, again, would take it for granted.

I tell myself I'd never take it for granted again. I tell myself I'd go to Mum and Dad's every Sunday for a roast. I tell myself I'd see my friends every weekend. But the reality is we have all moved on. We are all still very close, but the demographics have changed. My place in their lives had shifted, as has theirs in mine.
Whilst I know the reality of it all, I still long for it.
Yesterday my brother had his gallbladder removed. I know it's a fairly standard procedure but I just wish I could have visited him in the hospital.
James' youngest sister turns six next week. I posted her present on Thursday. I wish we could be there to see her open it. The last time we were there to celebrate her birthday she had just turned two. That's four years of missed birthdays. She wouldn't have a birthday memory with us in it.
It's just the little things, the things that used to seem so simple, that I long for the most.

But I don't actually regret a thing. I don't ever regret packing up my life and moving interstate with James. I certainly don't regret any of the friends I have met a long the way, many of whom I know I will be friends with for years to come. And many who once again I have moved away from and will move away from. I don't regret that without this lifestyle we wouldn't be able to give our son all that he needs. That's is the navy life, with all it's pros and cons. It's just the way it is.

I know Melbourne will always be home. I grew up an hour out if the CBD, and whilst I would like to move a little closer in I know now that I am not cut out for inner city life, certainly not inner city Sydney life. I want Oliver to go to school in Victoria and we are hoping to be back there in time for him to do do. Whilst that is the dream we are not simply going to just move back, if the time is right and the feeling is right we will. But I know things will never be the same. I know we wouldn't be going back, you can never really go back.
But I'd love to go home.

Right now we are planning our next adventure back to Canberra. I'm excited to go back to many friends and an easier lifestyle. I am excited to get my husband back. I'm excited to be three hours closer to Melbourne.

Sometimes I wish we could just walk about from it all. Start again, from scratch, but at home. But then I catch up with a friend or I see James accomplish something at work and I know this is what is best for us. Maybe not forever. But for now. This is the life we chose, the paths we took have taken us here.

Whilst I wish for many things in our future I am trying to take it day by day and realising that there is no where else I'd rather be than surrounded by my loved ones. Thanks to this lifestyle I have loved ones in three different states. So if home is where the heart is, then I am a real estate expert.

nb. the title of this post is a parody of a quote take from The Dark Knight (2008), Lt. James Gordon: Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now...

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