That thing called spare time.

For the first time in a long time I find myself hobby-less.

I have never been good at finishing what I started. I’ve got boxes full of half finished sewing products. My guitar sits gathering dust. My wedding album sits empty in the same box as our wedding cards just waiting for me to find the motivation to get my scrapbooking on.

At the end of last year I finished uni. It took so much of my time, all of my spare time. Last year I either slept or studied whilst Oliver napped. Often the dishes sat there for days as I perfected an assignment and raised my beautiful boy. And that was okay.

The entire time I was working my arse off towards my degree, I longed for time to spend on me. I wanted to be crafty, to cook, have an immaculate house, and to relax. Since finishing my degree I just find myself lost. I feel like I’m drowning in so-called spare time running from pillar to post trying to keep house.

The truth is it’s poor time management and I know that. I used to structure my days so soundly. Our routine was law. Oliver still lives by this strict routine whilst I just kind off meander around from the laundry to the kitchen; cleaning, cooking, occasionally writing, but not really sinking my teeth into anything.  Of course I spend a lot of my time adoring that gorgeous child of mine, as well as our new little friend who I look after four days a week. I have taken on a new project with a Canberra based blog but between illness and motherhood I haven’t had a chance to work on it yet. I can’t wait to start, because with me it’s like an open floodgate. I just need to open it.

There was a time when I would get so upset with James because he never had a hobby. He played computer games and I tried to support that “hobby” but I always felt they were more of an addiction. Recently he has started a crafty little hobby, influenced by my little brothers love of said hobby. He sits there at night painting and reveling in his creations. I miss that.

Every day, as I sit there watching Dr Phil while the kids sleep I tell myself tomorrow is a new day. What a crock. Now is the only time, and I’ve been missing it. I am going to cut myself some slack, we have been very busy and I haven’t really had any down time since Oliver was born. But I’m done with that. I need to work on this new but old me. I need to relight the spark that got me a degree at 23 whilst being a first time mum and a navy wife. I want to.

I don’t know how yet, but I know I will get there.

How do you find the motivation to relight your love of life outside of motherhood?