Sometimes I’m a single mum. Sometimes I am
a wife and mother. Sometimes I am a student.
I rarely, if ever, go out to party. James
and I spend approximately 3 hours a day together with generally one day on the
weekend. We don’t really go out to dinner, we are both too tired. I’m not
complaining, just explaining.
I feel like a lot of people think that
Oliver, James and I just celebrate all the time. The reason I don’t call or
visit Melbourne often is because I am too busy having fun. We have fun, but
that’s not why I am busy. I am busy because James works long, stupid hours; I
am busy because Oliver is the busiest toddler you will ever meet; I am busy
because I just finished my degree; I am busy because I have so much going on.
Not because I am partying, but because I am a mother, a wife and a person.
I do try, but my priorities have changed.
I’d love to say friends come first, but they don’t. Oliver does, he always
will.
Over the past week and a bit I have turned
off. I fully engaged with those around
me. I kept myself present physically and mentally by disengaging from social
media.
I read a study once that said social media
allows both or private experiences to become public and our public experiences
to become private. How? Well we share our experiences instantly, but in the
same breath we disengage from reality to do this. Basically, social media
removes us from our present state.
Make your own interpretation of this, but I
feel like it’s true in my life style.
Recently I have felt like I have lost a
whole lot of touch with the people I love most. Majority of them are 1000km
away so that makes it tough. I have a one year old, they have careers; they
don’t call, I don’t text. Why? We keep in touch; we read each other’s facebook
statuses, they read my blog, I see their instagram. We know what’s going on,
but we don’t have the same relationship. We
don’t actually talk.
Well we didn’t.
I am probably the guilty party. I over use
facebook, I spam photos of Oliver, I am rubbish at replying to texts and recently
I’ve given up calling.
But I love my friends. And I knew what was
happening right in front of my eyes, and I didn’t want it to happen. So I fixed
it.
Friendship is a two way street. It’s so
easy to blame others for why you have no friends, but then why are they
surrounded by friends whilst you are alone? I’m so very accountable for the
slips that have been made recently, I am not letting them slip any further.
I have always been surrounded by friends.
It was a mix of a whole lot of luck and a whole lot of hard work. They are
always there for me and I try to be too.
In Melbourne last week I reconnected with a
lot of these friends. It may have just been for an hour, or even a phone call
because we missed each other, but I reached out. And they reached back.
It’s so hard for me to know what I am
missing up here without them. We are working hard to get back, that’s the plan.
But not the now.
I
could also go on about how well Oliver connected with his grandparents and how
he needs more of that. We NEED to get back.
I don’t have a best friend. I have THE best
friends. I have quite a few friends and I don’t rank them. They are all
fantastic for their own reasons, for all the reasons. I love them dearly.
Each of them is doing so well. I love to see
it, but its hard to see them excelling with out me. It’s harder to see them
falter without me. I’d love to catch them every time they fall.
But I can’t, I’m not there. A phone call is
not always enough, but it’s better than a facebook ‘like’ or comment. It’s a
start and it’s all I’ve got. It’s better than nothing, and it means a lot to
them.
I've got amazing friends in Sydney and Canberra . I am just so damn lucky! I still feel like my lifestyle stops me from being able to be here for them when they fall, even though they are near by. I know I have been, but I feel so temporary here. I feel like I don't want to leave them high and dry, because I will leave. I love them, but Melbourne is home.
So I guess this blog post is me officially
turning back on, but not lights blearing. I will take a step back for
disengaging and be more present. I feel so refreshed.
I feel like I know who everyone is again; I
feel like I know who I am again.
I am so proud of who everyone is, and who
they are becoming. I want to be a bigger part of it, and I think I know how to
now.
Honestly, I feel wonderful.
I hope everyone’s week has been as refreshing
as mine.
Mama J.
Seeing you was the pretty much the high light of my whole year, and next time that happens, whether a call or another coffee date, whether it be 6, 8 months or a year, it'll still remain the high light of my life and a big high for me. (Sounds deranged, but hopefully you get me.)
ReplyDeleteI will always reach out and reach back, and I've learnt the hard lessons but nontheless grown the wiser.
I think you're a delightful human being, a wonderful mum and a dear person to me.
(End of corny rant.) xx
An impressive share! I've just forwarded this onto a colleague who was conducting a little research on this. And he actually ordered me breakfast due to the fact that I discovered it for him... lol. So let me reword this.... Thank YOU for the meal!! But yeah, thanx for spending the time to discuss this matter here on your site.
ReplyDeleteFeel free to surf my blog diets that work for women
It's fascinating. I started exploring it when I did a piece on cyber bullying in which I began by thinking 'bullying has happened for ever it's no biggy' and I left realising that cyber bullying brings the bully home and into the victims safe place.
DeleteI think it's something everyone should be a little but aware of because our lives are so online these days. I could go on and on about it, like present text and past text. By the time you read even a message so much time may have elapsed and things might be different, arg- we are so detached these days and we don't even realise. Once you take away that face to face communication then you are really detached.
Thanks for your comment, I'm glad you enjoyed it and your breakfast too! x