Thursday, 29 March 2012

A is for academic.

This week was one of the hardest weeks of my academic life. I had to put uni first. I had to put uni first to put Oliver first. I want to set an example for my son that you don't have to settle. I want to prove to myself that I can do it.
I have been studying as a distance education student for four years. That means that all of my studying occurs in front of my computer. I am working towards my BOA (Journalism) with a minor in PR and communications. Basically I want to work in the media, I want to understand the media. 
I just love it. Mass media, communications, advertising, social aspects, news reports, radio, television, policy, ethics, ALL OF IT.
For example, the Coke campaign. Genius. Put your name on it. Then you own it. Then you buy it. My sister never drinks coke, but every time she saw a bottle with her name on it she had to buy it. For no reason at all. James' mum purchased Oliver and I a bottle with James' name on it to keep him company whilst James on deployment. The insides of the bottle were the same as Olivia's and Casey's and Mum's, Dad's, Mate's ect ect. But the bottle had a simple name on it. It gave them ownership, so they purchased it. I seriously sit here gawking with a smile when I think of how genius that campaign is. I love it THAT much.
However every time I consider getting into advertising I hear Bill Hicks' voice in my head "SUCKING SATINS C***". I don't think I could ever work in advertising, but I do find it fascinating.

I want to work in MY field. But more than that I want to show my son that there is more to life than a trade, or a super market, or hospitality. If he then chooses to work in these fields that is fine by me. But I want him to know that there is more. I want him to be raised with more. I want him to saturated by literature and films and art and experiences that let him look outside the square. I want him to know that the easy option is very rarely the right option.
And this is what I kept repeating in my head as I was filtering through thousands of press releases, website, case studies, academic records and lecture notes this week. Okay, not thousands more like tens. But it was tough. I have always been able to sit down and spend a good six hours doing an assessment. I have always been best at just doing it all at once. Obviously things are different now, and I am learning how to adjust.

I am so blessed with a child who sleeps. I could set my watch by this kid. I get my 8 hours. I get my morning shower, and some house tidy time. I get my afternoon study. And when he is awake I get a happy baby. 

This week I spent every nap working on my assessment. As soon as James walked in the door I would practically throw Oliver in his arms and back to study. If he was in his jolly jumper I was studying. The house has become a sty. The laundry sits in baskets, ready to be washed. Our dining has all come from packets or menus. James is scared to talk out of line. My dog is on the stinky side. But I did it. 
I succeeded. I am nervous about my results, as always with creative work it really depends on how it has been interpretted. I am confident in my abilities as a writer and as a journalist. I am just not confident in my abilities as a student. I am nervous that I missed something in the criteria sheet, as I did once before. Two weeks work for an N mark. I am nervous that I missed something in the presentation, heaven forbid I use 10 point font as opposed to 12. 

Today I sent off my assignment. Today I succeeded. Today I proved to myself that I can be a mother and a student. Today I proved to myself that I can do it, and I will. I will work in my field. I will make sure that James will get to see his son grow up and not miss fractions of it whilst he sails away from us. I will be the best mother I can be, but more that that I will be the best person I can be. 


  1. You are so intelligent.


    So intelligent.

    There's just something about you that is so super cool!