I've completed my degree.

I've never been great at finishing what I start. I try, I go in with the best intentions. But I get bored,  or scared, or it's just too hard.

Yesterday I got the results of my final exam. It's not exceptionally high, it's not exceptionally low, but it's finished.

I cried when I got the results. The subject I was completing was a core unit, one in which I had failed years before. I didn't want to let myself to believe I'd finished until it was there.

Well it's here, and I nailed it. No more excuses, just results.

It wasn't a sad cry, nor a particularly happy cry. Just a sense of relief, along with a sense of fear.

I now hold a Bachelor of Arts (Journalism) with a minor in Public Relations.

I also have a one year old son, a wonderful marriage, and a home 1000km away from where it all began.

I'm still not sure what I want to be when I grow up.

James and I worry about getting out of the navy, about finances, and how our lives will change.

Sometimes I think I should be a teacher, it would fit in perfectly with our life style. I think I'd be a good teacher, the kids love me in after school care.

I'm only 24. I don't know many 24 year olds that own a house, none that own in the areas we want to buy (inner Melbourne). But I'd like to buy a house in the next 10 years.

We can, we will.

Sometimes I think I should be a journalist, but the medium I love most is radio. My beautician told me I should get into TV whilst I'm young, before my (insert thick Eastern European accent) 'beauty fades'. That makes me sick. I'd love to report news, talk about arts- especially music. Not be admired for my appearance (which isn't exceptional anyway), but for my words.

These ideas make me want to not work in journalism. It's a pretty sexist industry, my wonderful Ethics teacher enlightened us to that. Not to scare us, but to make us aware; to insight change.

I don't know if I'd have it in me. I have a family to support, I need a pay cheque. Statements don't always come with pay cheques.

I think I'd be good at PR, I'd love to do PR for a not for profit organisation or a charity. But I'd hate to get caught up, I'd hate to be a 'spin doctor'. I'd just like to raise awareness.

I think I'd just like to tell the truth.

But it's a tough industry to do that. I'm not saying they lie, but falsification can occur when key facts are omitted. I know that's fluent in the Australian media. I wouldn't want to disappoint my readers, but I'll always need a pay cheque. My family will always come first.

I'm always looking forward. I'm always worried about the future; so much so I forget to enjoy the present and fail to admire my achievements of the past. I'm working on this.

If I can quote Mater, (Cars 2006), "I don't need to see where I'm going, I just need to know where I've been."

I know where I've been. I've been to uni, I've completed my degree and overcome many hurdles. I've been down the aisle, and married the man of my dreams. I've been to the hospital, and given birth to my wonderful Oliver.

I don't know where I'm going, but I know where I've been. It will influence my future, it will create my future.

I've never regretted decisions, I know the path chosen was the best decision for the situation at the time. It may not turn out the way you'd hoped, but regret will not change that. I know we will always make the best decisions for our family at the time, and I hope it turns out for the best. I also know sometimes it won't, but I know that if we do what is right, majority of the time it will.

University has taught me a lot. I've learnt a lot of academic lessons but I've also learnt much, much more.

I've learnt my ability, strengths and weaknesses. I've learnt about my passion, about what I want out of life and about who I am.

But mostly it's taught me to finish what I start. A lesson I hope to apply to the rest of my life.

Signing off
-Dr Mama J
(Not quite, but who knows?)

What do you want to be when you grow up?

Me, I wanted to be a journalist.

http://www.ereleases.com/prfuel/maintaining-relationships-media/

Last night James turned to me and asked, "if you could do any job in the world, what would it be?"

I stumbled. Hmm. Any job?
"I'd write."
"About what?"
"What I felt, I don't know. I don't want to write about one thing, I want to write about all the things I care about. No! I know what I'd do, I would make people care with my words."
"How can you make money from that?"
"Well you did say any job."

When I was a little girl I wanted to write. I've alway loved to write.
I wrote my first novel when I was eight years old. It was ten chapters, and was about a sleep over that lasted ten nights. I remember there being magic balloons and dolphins. I wish we still had it.
I kept an 'imaginary journal' for about five year, in which I wrote down stories. Not facts, just stories I made up.
I always excelled in English, but bummed out with an awful English teacher in year 11 that put me academically behind. Before him I always received A's in English. After him I was lucky to get a B. At the time, of course, I thought I'd lucked out. But now I realise I'd actually missed out. Just because my structure and grammar faltered, my passion and my imagination never did.

Luckily for me I still got into my uni course. Luckily for me I've always known where I wanted to be. That drive to complete university has wavered at times. But the drive to write never has.

When I got pregnant almost everyone asked me what I was going to do about university. When I told then I was going to continue it through the pregnancy, the labour and motherhood a lot of people insisted I, "see how I go!"
I knew how I'd go.
I was due August 22nd. All my assignments due in around this time were completed by August 10th. All my lecturers knew I was expecting and told me if I needed any extensions they'd be more than happy to help. I didn't even want them to know I was pregnant, I didn't want them to think I was taking on too much. But they were actually very supportive.
I never asked for one extension.
I'm a journalism student. A deadline is a deadline! There are no extensions in the newsroom. This has been drilled into me since day dot.
But I am proud that I pulled it off. Not surprised, it's easy when you're dabbling in your passion. But proud.
I can't even say it was difficult. I never remember stressing too much. I was blessed with a very calm child. But he was still a newborn. Yet I think uni helped to keep me sane, grounded. It gave me that sense of self that so many new mothers crave.

It has always been something that I am doing for me. I am a very giving person and often put others before myself. I would never want to be any different. Uni is for me, for myself.
But I never could have gotten my degree without James. He has helped me through it in more ways than one. In fact, he is the reason I will get my degree. I've always known I wanted this, but I never knew if I could do it. James believed in me every step of the way. When I did poorly he would tell me that it's not because I am stupid, it's because I didn't apply myself. He was always right.
He has encouraged me, he has supported me and he has prioritised my studies. So I guess it's for him too.

I also want Oliver to see that you don't have to settle. That you can have it all. A family, a marriage, a career. Or you can just have one, or two. Either way, you never have to settle for a 'wage.' At times you may have to work a job you dislike to get by but you can still work towards your passion. You may be up until 3AM, you may miss out on social events, but you can do it. So this degree is for him too.

As my father always taught me, "if your passion is shovelling sh**, you will find a way to make money out if it!"

Writing is my passion. Writing is a part of me.

As I said yesterday, when I started my degree I wanted to change the world. Now I realise that all I need to do is put a smile of one readers face and I've changed their world, if just for a second. It all starts with baby steps. I don't need to be a major player in the media world to make an impact, I just need to be true to myself and true to others.

In eight days I will take my final exam. In eight days I will be able to call myself a qualified journalist, and PR practitioner. In eight days I will finish university.

I feel great, proud, excited, nervous, anxious and a little bit sad. I have learnt so much. A big reason why I re-started this blog was to keep my mind active and my finger in the pie. I plan to go back to a community radio station I used to volunteer at and revisit my passion for music and the local arts. I plan to continue working on my CV, but most importantly I plan on continuing to love what I do. I do not want to compromise my beliefs and my morals. I want to continue to write for the love of it.

Of course I can't foresee what the future holds but I know that my family comes first. I know we want to expand our family. I know that we don't want our children to be raised by someone else or in a daycare centre. I know that Oliver only gets one childhood. I have my entire future to focus on my career, only the next few years with a child.

And we are the lucky few who are able to survive on one wage. 

But I will continue to write. I have always been a writer, I will always be a writer. Whether it comes with a pay cheque or not it is something I will always do. And soon enough I will have a degree telling me what I already knew.

So what do you want to be when you grow up?